Lost best friends
by pamy
Summary: He can't remember the las time he talked to Felix, nor what he said to him. But he does know they were best friends and they loved each other, and that was enough. Weevil's thought's in jail post season 2.


_**This is based on another prompt, Weevil's thought's in jail after season 2. I foccused mainly on his friendship with Felix, making them best friends. Don't even ask where this idea was born. Hope you'll like it. Don't own anything, if I did Lilly, Meg and Felix would have never died, meaning there would be no show, so maybe it's a good thing I don't own it. **_

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He can't remember the last time they talked, he can't remember the last thing he said to Felix, he wants to but he can't. He has tried to remember, but it never comes to him. He can't remember, because it wasn't important at that moment, you never remember everything you've ever said. You never remember, because you never think _this is the last time we'll ever talk, this is the last conversation we'll ever have. _Those thoughts never occur to you, not at that moment, not even after that, you never think _this is it_. He had never thought that either, and now he can't remember their last conversation.

Veronica used to look at him _– and everyone else for the matter _– like she was memorizing every second of their conversation, every word muttered. He used to wonder why she did that, used to wonder what the point was, he never understood. Now he understands, almost two years later he understands, and he wishes he didn't. Veronica remembers every second – _or at least tries to – _because she's already lost once and she knows it can happen again at any moment, and now he knows it as well. Weevil wonders if Veronica sometimes lies there, trying to remember the last thing she said to Lilly, the last thing she said to Meg. He wonders if she remembers or like him can't remember the last thing said, can't remember the last time.

He had seen the look in her eyes, on their graduation day, it was almost pity. He doesn't want Veronica to feel sorry for him, doesn't want her to think he's nothing, but then he remembers she probably doesn't, after all he never felt sorry for her either. Not really at least, he felt sorry that she had gone trough so much pain, gone trough so much sorrow, but he never pitied her, so he wishes that she doesn't pity him. Of all the people – _even his own gang – _that came up to him and said _'I'm so sorry', _and said _'I understand, I know what you're feeling,' _she's the only one he believes it all. They had both after all lost their best friends, taken away in the most violent of ways.

He used to blame her, used to think it was her fault, right after it happened that's the first thing he thought. If he hadn't heard her talk to her dad, if she hadn't accused Logan Echolls, they would never have been on that bridge and Felix would be still alive. But he knows now _– even back then he knew – _that it wasn't her fault, not at all, she had tried to tell him not to go, tried to tell him she wasn't sure, but he hadn't listened. Hadn't listened at all and he had paid a high price. And he acknowledges that the Fitzpatrick's wanted Felix dead and if they wouldn't have done it on the bridge, they probably would have done it somewhere else. Maybe he could have saved him somehow, most likely he would have lost him anyway.

He blamed Logan as well, though admittedly there was a logical reason for that, after all he had the knife in his hand. Now that he thinks about it, he knows that everything he did to Logan was horrible and wrong, and if Logan at some point had really done something to him or anyone else, he had sure paid for it. As he lies down in his small cell he actually feels sorry for Logan, it's not a completely new feeling, he had experienced it once before, back when Logan's mother had jumped of that bridge. But now he felt truly sorry for him, accused twice of murders he had never committed, and that was just wrong. Suddenly he laughs out loud, realizing what he had just thought and felt. For a moment he had pitied Logan, actually understood him, maybe he should consider an insanity plea, because he had truly lost it now.

They had a fight once, _not the only fight they ever had of course not even that_, he can't even remember what it was about. He hadn't thought of that particular fight in months, but now in his jail cell he remembers, he remembers what he screamed at him, what he had said to Felix. The fight _– whatever it had been about – _had gotten very heated, as it usually did between them, and he had screamed – _without thinking – _'_I wish you would just die, because I surely wouldn't care.' _He had forgotten about that, but now that Felix was in fact dead, Weevil felt awful about ever entertaining the thought, even if he hadn't know what would happen. Even if he hadn't know what was coming, it should never have been said, but he can't take it back anymore, it's to late for that.

Weevil had always been conscious of the fact he did not have many friends. He had followers, he was the leader of the PCH'rs after all, but they hadn't been his friends, not really. Friends would have stayed by his side, friends would have backed him up, followers simply shifted their beliefs when they saw he was losing his position to Thumper. But Felix, Felix had always been a friend, one of the best friends he's ever had, apart from him there was of course Veronica, but that was different and much, much later. That's perhaps why it hurt so much to discover that Felix hadn't trusted him enough to tell him about Molly, hadn't trusted him enough to back him up, maybe if he had he would have lived. Then again, if he really thinks about it, he hadn't told Felix about Lilly either, at least not before she died, and he doesn't truly know why.

He has never hated someone as much as he hates Thumper. Not even Lilly's killer _– and her supposed killer – _hadn't made him feel like this, hadn't made him hate this much. Thumper. He had murdered his best friend, one of the only friends he has ever had, and he had spend months by his side, pretending he cared about Felix. Weevil still can't believe he didn't see it, still can't believe he had been so fooled, still can't believe they all had been fooled. But they had, and Thumper had gotten away with it for months, and even when he had discovered there had been nothing he could do.

He doesn't regret what he did, will never regret what he did. He had taken revenge for his best friend, not even Veronica can condemn him for that, she did practically the same for Lilly. The memory of her fight for truth, and the way she spend her year trying to get the right killer, is what makes Weevil go to her. To give her a chance, so that Felix can have justice, but the legal way. She had spend a year, perhaps even longer he's not sure, looking for the truth, but Weevil is not waiting that long. He knows she will get it eventually, but he can't wait, Felix has waited long enough. He'll never regret what he did to him, never regret anything he has done – _the only thing he really regrets is beating up Logan on that bridge, for various reasons. _

The only other thing he regrets is not graduating, it was the only thing his grandmother had asked of him, the only thing and he couldn't do it. He knows that if Sherriff Mars had still been in charge, he would have graduated, but it wasn't Sherriff Mars, it was Lamb and Lamb didn't care about him, didn't care about any of them at all. So he doesn't graduate and his eyes meets Veronica's and for the first time he sees pity in them, and he hates her for it, if only for a second.

He knows, lying alone in his jail cell, he can't afford to hate Veronica, he's pretty sure she's the only friend he has left. The only other friend he's ever had.

He knows what he's done, he knows where his guilt lies. He did not murdered Thumper, at least not directly, he had known when he hid the drugs that Thumper would not live, of that he is guilty, but he had not murdered him. He doesn't even know what happened to him, not that Lamb believed a word of it. He's not sure where he got the lawyer, though he suspects Veronica has something to do with it, because he's sure he once saw her with Cliff, but he doesn't say a thing and neither does she, so he'll never truly know. He knows where his guilt lies, so he knows he has to pay for something, but he hadn't murdered him, hadn't done that, would never do that.

He can't remember the last time he talked to Felix, can't remember what they said. He wishes it would be silent, so that he could think and try to remember, but it is never silent in jail, so he'll never be able to remember. He hears the cell door slam closed and the guards walked past him, the keys to their cells making noise as they walk, he hears it all, but he doesn't really care about any of it. He tries to remember, but he can't, he doesn't think he ever will and he doesn't really know if it matters. He can't remember what the last thing was he said to Felix, but he does remembered that he loved him and that Felix loved him as well. He knows that they had been friends and cared about each other, and Weevil is pretty sure he would have died to protect him as he knows Felix would have done that as well. _At least that's what he wants to believe. _

He can't remember the last time they talked, but he does remember that they were best friends and they loved each other, and maybe somewhere_, somehow, _that was enough.


End file.
